At the start of project 3 having been required to write a 6000 word document about our intentions for our final production output for the MA i was put in the uncomfortable position of having to determine what i was intending on doing before officially being able to do it. This to me seemed an incredibly backwards process in relation to the way i have discovered i work. There is no way that i can tell you what i will be producing until it is at least in motion, or in the case of my previous projects, once they have been submitted.
i know that's not how the system wants me to work, but i don't believe working for the system is particularly healthy.
So in 6000 words i described 4 potential project outputs, and now that i have been through that process i have absolutely no interest or drive to follow through with any of those plans. in order to keep the passion an interest in a project there has to be that element of the unknown, as it's this that drives me onwards to try and find the meaning and purpose. if you ever want me to dry up and find myself with complete apathy for an idea, even my own, ask me to write about it extensively to meet a deadline.
i understand there has to be a deadline, there has to be a process, but this one just doesn't work for me.
i will jump through the hoops, but this time i caught the rim halfway through and was left crumpled in a heap on the other side.
and i lay there for a number of weeks